15 Things Guys Think About Hitting on You at a Party

29 March, 2016 16:00

1. "I need a good opening line." To be fair, you don't really need a good opening line. You just need something sufficient to start up good conversation. An opening line is like underwear: you don't need it as long as your wearing pants. Is it nice to have? Sure. But no one is going to notice your underwear if you're wearing nice slacks. You'd get arrested for going out pantsless, but no one would even notice if you were going commando. Still, this doesn't stop guys from totally overthinking the whole opening line and freaking themselves out.

2. "OK, now what?" Some guys get so excited about having a great opening line, they forget it takes a lot more than that, and a smooth start to the conversation means nothing if its followed by 30 seconds of blank staring.

3. "I can't tell if she's really into me, or really polite." Maybe she's just too shy or reserved to flirt back too obviously, or she's not touchy-feely? What is happening?

4. "I just realized I have no idea how to end this story I'm telling right now." This is an awful feeling. A terrible story can totally screw up even the best flirting opportunities. Personally, if a story isn't going anywhere, I just end it with "and then I threw up."

5. "She's nodding and smiling too much. She's just hoping I stop talking and leave, isn't she?"

6. "She's not nodding and smiling enough. She's not even trying to pretend she's interested."

7. "What should I do with my free hand?" So you've probably got a drink in one hand, but as soon as you start flirting, it becomes painfully immediate that your other hand should be doing something. Is it too casual to put it in your pocket? Too cocky to hook your thumb through your belt loops? Rest it on the wall? On the nearby counter?

8. "I'm too drunk for this." Sometimes, there's a moment of clarity, and you realize that you are way too drunk and there's no way this is going well unless she is equally as drunk or more drunk than you, but only by one drunk-tier. That's how drunk conversations work. There's a very small window that both parties need to be in to get what the other person is mumbling.

9. "I finished my drink, but I don't want to have to leave to get another drink." So instead, I'm just going to nurse this very last sip of beer that I have, which is gross. Hopefully she can't see inside my cup.

10. "If I blow this, I'm gong to get so much shit." The biggest problem with flirting at a party is the audience. Some people just can't perform in a crowd.

11. "I have to go to the bathroom... but what if I come back and she's gone?" This is a very real fear. Depending on the size of the party, you may never see each other again.

12. "Dammit, her friend is coming over." This is a huge moment because it could mean a few things. Either this friend is coming over for approval, or to save her friend from a nightmare flirt situation. WILL YOU SURVIVE?!

13. "Great, now I have to spend time talking to her friend, but not too much time." You don't want to scare off the girl you've been talking too by focusing too much on her friend, but you also don't want to ignore the friend and look like you're mean. It's like a delicate juggling act, wherein you're juggling two balls. Which sounds easy, except you're also trying to make out with one of those balls.

14. "NO, PEOPLE CAN'T LEAVE NOW!" There is nothing worse than a party winding down just as you finally think you're getting somewhere. As soon as it hits 3 a.m. and people start stumbling out the door, panic sets in and you've got to scramble to make sure you at least leave with a number.

15. "Oh, shit. I just realized I didn't get any of her contact info. I'm gonna have to social media stalk her and home she remembers me." No one uses Facebook anymore, really. How are you gonna find someone's SC or Insta? This could be an impossible quest.